Monday, December 10, 2007

My Birthday Again

I am just recording this for myself.
Seems like I should just copy and paste from last year.
Why do I feel that nobody cares about my birthday. My kids had to be reminded. Taylah is still behaving badly and so am I. DH bought the wrong coloured jewellry even though I gave him a picture of what I would have liked. I have never worn silver in my life and I got silver jewellry because that was the picture I gave him.
My best friend from Sydney hasn't called.
My friend Karen took me to morning tea this morning after I had a melt down with Taylah and after going on about how bad my life was, she told me she is having a biopsy on a lump she found in her breast. 39, 3 kids, partner, 9,7, and 8 months.
no cake as I had a job information evening to go to. but DH got home at 6.45pm but still no cake

Do I expect too much from people.
I remember everyones birthday, I might not send a card but I give them a call.
I always give to everyone else and feel so upset when I don't get anything in return even from my own family.

I feel I am a bad mother, nothing has changed with Taylah's behaviour and it seems to be worse. I think I have to change my attitude. we clash about everything, we fight about everything, I yell about everything. I need to do something about it.

have so much other stuff going on doing too many things at the one time but they need to be done.
looking for a job
running divas is a full time job
decluttering my house to see if I can be more organised and less stressed.
paperwork and getting our tax ready.
organising the paperwork
organising the girls rooms
organising the main bedroom
getting the new room built
planning for what to do next year on Divas
getting a new website
organising the retreat.

anyway just for my records I have done more crying today and was only thinking about how much I need someone that I can just call and say "hey do you want to go and have a coffee" right now, a girlfriend that can help me out when I need it, a friend that will listen, I don't know just someone. I have never really had a real friend that I can tell everything to and that is one of the things I wish for my girls. to have that someone.

I am going to try and blog every week starting in the new year.